Letters for my new semester
Dear Sonic,
There is a reason why the motto should be change to "If you need to chew, This place is not for you." Seriously! How could you really fuck up a toaster sandwich? It;s not that hard. Oh yes it is, you FORGOT TO TOAST THE BREAD!! I'm going to hire a retarded monkey to manage like those office commercials and I bet things will get more efficient.
Looking at my bread,
Rusty
Dear Sonic pt 2,
Did I miss the memo on when the drive-thru was going to be changed to a skate park? I must have because I didn't know that Tony Hawk’s long lost relative Anthony Sparrowhead was going to put on a display. Of course Sparrowhead and his brain damaged partner ChickenFoot almost got ran over. If that would have happened, I would have jumped out of my vehicle, dashed over and said, "Wow, I bet that hurt. It looks like that hurt. That jagged piece of bone sticking out of your leg must hurt.You dumbasses."
Staring at a near hit and run,
RJ
Dear Annoying Geek in Class,
Make no mistake about it, I don't have a problem with geeks. I have a problem with geeks who don’t SHUT THE HELL UP, geeks who INTERJECT TECHNICAL JARGON AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES and geeks who DON'T FREAKING LISTEN!
You FIT ALL THREE! I know it was only the first day of class, but I swear, if you don’t improve, I'm going to hit you so hard, your straggly, unkempt facial hair will fall out from the shock and your eyes will straighten. You have got to be OSL's illegitimate Love Child with Bill Gates.
Get some sun,
Rusty
Dear Drivers in KS,
Last time I check, my Exploder was not Wonder Woman’s Transparent Jet, nor was it painted in camouflage. That means, I can be seen, so LOOK. No wonder my ball joints are going out because I have to jerk my explorer around to avoid dying in a tragic accident.
Tired of it all,
Rusty
Yo, Mama Nature,
TURN DOWN THE HEAT. That is all.
Baking away
Rus
Vaaaayyyyyycccaaaayyyyy
Back from vacay and it was good.
The entire family went down to Beaver Lake in Arkansas, situated in the middle of the Ozark Mountains. Granted, the mountains are nothing but glorified hills but it was still nearly breathtaking. The cabin/house/thingy we stayed at is own by a couple here in town and it sleeps 16 comfortably with two hide-a-beds also. Fifteen of us invaded the cabin/house/thinger and we had a ball.
The first night, I slept in the top bunk of a bunk bed. That was a mistake. While trying to scale the ladder to get up to the bed, I took a ceiling fan blade to the head once. I slept fitfully, but ended up deciding to move the next night. Of course, getting out of bed the next morning to get ready to play golf, I was again assaulted by same said fan.
My father, uncle, aunt and myself played golf on Monday morning on a golf course built on Bob's Road. I say Bob's Road because it was the back way into this course. Thank you Google Maps for giving me the runaround to get to the course. Actually, the course was pretty cool, save for totally shitty greens. The course wove its way through the Ozarks, complete with some drop offs, ravines, and holes you wished you had a pack mule for.
Apparently, there is no wind in Arkansas. And it was a tich sticky. The other thing I’ve never seen is that this course had no drinking water on it, except in the clubhouse. Being that it was 82309 degrees heat index, cold water stayed cold for all of 22 seconds before becoming bath water warm.
The guy that designed this course did acid too. Some of the holes were good layout holes…others were nightmares from the deepest bowels of Satan's soul. There were a couple of shots that rolled down to the bottom of a mountain, and then you were required to hit it back up the mountain. I didn't play very well, blistering the course for 93.
After the round, we went back to the house, stopping for more ice and boat gas. Lunch was a fend-for-yourself type of affair with sandwich stuff available to consume. Then it was time to scale the slope known as the path down to the boat slip where we played in the water.
My earplugs worked 50% of the time, meaning I didn’t get water in one ear. I'm still battling the water today and it’s driving me nuts. The water was clear enough you could see a good 12 feet down and the skiers loved it. We'd play in the water, drink some beer, then started heading back up to the house to shower. Once showered, we'd lounge until supper was served, which wasn't before 8 any night we were there. After the dishes were done, it was time for some serious poker until late.
From that point on, it was lather, rinse, repeat for the duration of the trip. I killed a water moccasin on the road by the house, thereby saving everyone’s lives in the process. Of course no one gives me credit for being a hero.
My uncle said it best after spending four days driving the boat, "I'm going to have to go to work and relax."
Ask a stupid question
So, during a conversation, I asked a question and the response I got was....well...not what I expected. I took one thing wrong and the meaning was misconstrued on my part.
"You've never had munchie cheese?" This was said to me.
"No."
"
Oh dear God."
"What does it look like?"
"
It's cheeeeeeeeese!"
I'm not smart. That's what i get for asking a question.
Beaver Fever
Beaver Lake that is.
We're two and a half days away from departing for Beaver Lake in Arkansas. The entire family is going, so we number 15. The last time we did this, we went to Beaver , but stayed in a cabin where I swear i heard Dueling Banjos when I got out of my exploder. This time, we be on the other side of the lake, near the dam.
My father and I found some golf courses that we're planning on playing, each morning. One of them is called Big Sugar Golf Club and the hole by hole descriptions have successfully installed fear in my game. This probably isn't good so we'll just see what we'll see when it come to my golf. After golfing, it'll be time to hit the water until nearly dusk. then supper, followed by showers and poker til odd hours of the night.
I'm ready to be on a little vacay for the 5 days.
