A Self-Proclaimed Existence

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Moving

Hey you all,

I've moved to a new home.

arejaydub.wordpress.com

Please stop by as I'll be making this my new home.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Still

I really am alive.
I don't think anyone reads this anymore, but maybe I'll start posting again just for grins.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

The Incident

A couple of people have asked me about The Incident. This was a traumatizing event that happened to me when I was a freshman in high school. It lent itself to my paranoia of doctors, doctor's offices and the interns who work within these walls.
I don't have the best luck with doctors. I never have as when I was five, I got the wrong shot in the wrong arm. Pretty much, the tone was set for the rest of my life. When I was 13, I had a nurse wrench my arms trying to withdraw blood for a blood test. After rooting around in one arm, she went to the other, poked, prodded and basically stripped mined my arm trying to strike red gold. Unfortunately, the wench couldn't find a vein and actually said to me, "I can't seem to find a vein."
"Well," I said. "You could probably just mop up the floor from under me and get the blood that way."
She chuckled, obviously finding humor in the not-so-funny aspect of me gushing from my arms. I couldn't even tell her I was getting woozy.
So let's fast forward to my being a freshman.
Here I am, a 15 year old boy in my first year of high school when self-esteem issues always seem to crop up. Factor in the fact that the left side of my face no longer seemed to work and you have a recipe for disaster. I was already in enough of a panicked state thinking that I suffered some kind of attack. (My parents were wondering if I had a stroke at 15.) And when I mean my face didn't work, I mean that I couldn't smile or move the left side of my mouth, I could only wrinkle half my forehead, flare one nostril, barely close my left eyelid and taste with only half of my tongue.
My doctor had a feeling that I was suffering from Bell's Palsy but sent me over to Halstead to an ear, nose and throat specialist for further diagnosis. One look from this doctor confirmed I did indeed have an inflammation of my facial nerve. This doctor told me, they would try to stimulate the muscles in my face to see how severe the inflammation was, using electrodes attached to a device. I was game, feeling kind of like a cool science experiment. The doc trusted his intern to run the show, a move I should have protested with every breath in my lungs.
I remember her to be fairly young with blonde hair. She attached me to the machine and told me that she would turn the dial until I felt the muscles working. I agreed, thinking this was pretty cool. She began and asked me if I felt anything.
"Rusty, do you feel anything?"
"No I don't," I said. She proceeded to nudge the dial up.
Again, she asked and again, I didn't feel anything. Lather, rinse, repeat. She kept turning the dial up and I felt nothing. A quizzical look passed over her face.
"I can't figure this out. You should have felt something by now," she said.
"I don't feel anything," I replied.
"OH!" she exclaimed. "I need to turn it on."
And she proceeded to flip the switch to on.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Pain unlike anything I've ever felt started coursing through my face as the left side of my face began to spasm like a suspension bridge in an earthquake. Slobber was flying everywhere as an ear-splitting pre-voice change scream escaped my lips, echoing throughout the building, most likely terrifying anyone in the waiting room. My eyelid was fluttering like a butterfly fighting a tornado while my nostril flared as if I was a ventriloquist's dummy. Before her eyes, I was turning into a real-life version of Batman's enemy Two-Face. To this day, I think I smelled the acrid smell of burning hair, my own burning hair.
She quickly regained her senses and dialed down the machine as I clenched the chair with both hands in a death grip, trying to catch my breath. Tears were welling up in my eyes, yet I was trying to play it cool. But how cool can one be after nearly being cooked by some incompetent airhead of an intern? Not very. After I caught my breath, she proceeded to start over, discovering that my muscles responded to very minor stimulation. No kidding Blondie?
Fortunately, the palsy went away almost as quickly as it had set in, leaving me with a very slight residual droop in my smile and the fond, warm memories of knowing how a fish fillet feels.

That was The Incident and the reason why doctors scare me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Forty-Four More Craptastic Answers

1. Do you like blue cheese?
No. I just ruined a wonderful soup with bleu cheese and won't have it again.

2. Have you ever been drunk?
I may have consumed one or two too many adult beverages once or twice.

3. Do you own a gun?
Why yes I do. Two shotguns and a .22 for plinkin'.

4. What flavor of Kool-Aid was your favorite?
Lemon-Lime.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Ever since "The Incident" (when my face froze and I was nearly electrocuted) I'm horribly paranoid about Doctors

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Lips and ..... you know the rest.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Unfortunately, I'd have to say Home Alone. It takes place during christmas.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
H20

9. Can you do push ups?
sometimes.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
I have a necklace I never wear and an earring.

11. Favorite hobby?
Hunting, fishing, playing softball...and I won't pick between the three.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
Where's question 12?

13. What's your favorite shoe?
New Balances

14. Middle name?
Jay.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Wow, I'm spending too much time on this.
Wow, I'm spending too much time on this.
Wow, I'm spending too much time on this.

6. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, iced tea and coffee

17. Current worry?
That I may not find a job.

18. Current hate right now?
It's more of a dislike, but it's the dry weather.

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
very low key like

21. Where would you like to go?
Columbia with Jimmy Ostlund to go peacock bass fishing.

22. Name three people who will complete this?
Chris Koehn probably and that's about it.

23. Do you own slippers?
Slippersocks.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
A Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt.

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
I never have. I'm sheltered.

26. Can you whistle?
Yes.

27. Favorite color?
Green

28. Would you be a pirate?
I would like to be the Dread Pirate Roberts.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Depends on the mood in the shower, but usually I have some song by Indigenous rolling around upstairs in my brain cavity.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
I don't know.

31. Favorite boy's name?
Again, I don't know.

32. What's in your pocket right now?
Nothing. There is nothing in my pockets.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Thinking about "The Incident."

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
I never had flashy sheets

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
I have a scar in my forehead where Wayne Stucky threw a tractor tire lug nut and I accidentally stepped in the way.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Yes. And I have a crush on her back.

41. What is your favorite book?
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

42. What is your favorite candy?
Reece's peanut butter cups, twix or snickers

43. Favorite Sports Team?
Pro Football = The Cowboys; College hoops= KU; College Football= Huskers; Major League Baseball=Atlanta Braves, Pro Basketball= Boston Celtics. Any questions?

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Something with a good guitar riff.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

25 random craplets

Since it's all the rage....when in Rome....and all that jazz.

1. I love to hunt pheasants and quail. Even if I'm not shooting anything, I enjoy just being outside in the cold winter.
2. I come across as happy-go-lucky and I am, but I can put it aside easily and be a serious listener.
3. My favorite color is green. Even my eyes are greenish.
4. I miss my grandpa. I wish every day that I could be just half of the man he was.
5. I root for the Nebraska Huskers in football, and KU in basketball. That's how it's always been, that's how it will always be. You don't have to like it, but I do. :)
6. I'm a klutz like no other. I've actually fallen up stairs and out of a house during the same stumble. I also tripped on a shadow during a softball tourney, causing me to slide into shortstop, halfway between second and third base. I laid there in the dirt for a while, my pride being the most hurt.
7. When it comes to softball, I'm pretty much a ho. I'd play every day if I could.
8. I absolutely adore my family and love spending time with them. Even if we are crazy. And we rule.
9. I love to cook but it seems my time is never enough.
10. When I was a little kid, I used to tape record pretend basketball games as if I was on the radio. Some jerk still has one of those tapes. And I hope he dies in a fiery car accident.
11. I don't do the club scene. And I just have never enjoyed going to bars very much. I'll make an exception with my friends at Old Chicago, but that's about it.
12. I don't think it gets better than sitting out back after a softball game drinking a cold beer with good friends.
13. I don't drink that much. But I could drink margaritas by the pitcher.
14. I'm a big kid. I always will be a big kid. I've been known to join neighborhood wiffleball games with the kids
15. I can be a grown-up if I have to.
16. Dogs love me. I also enjoy them. I have the kennels picked out already, from where I will get my german shorthair.
17. I would give my friends the shirt off of my back if they needed it. I have no problem listening to a friend at any hour.
18. When it's all said and done, my favorite sport is basketball. That being said, I can't play it.
19. I pierced my ear when I turned 30 and think that I should get a tattoo when I'm 40.
20. I keep my hair highlighted to help hide the gray.
21. Despite looking unorganized, I can find what I need, more often than not.
22. When I play video games, I'm fairly stupid as I have to play sports games during the corresponding seasons.
23. I own all of the "New Adventures Of Superman" cartoons on DVD. It's that being a kid thing.
24. I enjoy going to the movies, I just don't go enough.
25. I laugh at myself every single day.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Seriously?

I can't quite get healthy. This is getting stupid. I started feeling coldish on January 24. I fought through it and slept all day that Sunday, fought again on Monday and thought I had it licked. Things were feeling pretty good the following week. I even went hunting on Saturday and Superbowled it on the first!
Things were good.
Until my voice started cracking on Feb. 3 after calling two games. I also had an itchy throat that could only be "scratched" by coughing. I'm now hacking pretty good but my cough has loosened. At first I thought it was Larry's Jitis and I was losing my voice, but now I think that cold snuck into my chest without obtaining written permission.

However, I'm feeling better today.

Friday, January 30, 2009

The Big East Bias

As a sports fan/guru, I have had it up to my follicles with this college basketball season.
Not so much the season as the actual polling process, and the top 25. Namely two items.
1. The lack of KU being ranked.
2. The Big East.
I don't get it. I'm sick to death of announcers saying how tough the Big East is. Well no shit. It better be tough because there are 192384713928 teams in the damn conference. Ok, not really that many, but there are 16 teams in the Big East. At last count, I believe 9 of them are ranked.
For the record, I don't have a problem with several of teams ranked from one conference. I have a problem when you've ranked HALF of the teams from one conference. As teams eat each other during conference play, the cream will definitely rise to the top, so we're going to have teams right around a .500 conference record taking up spots in the top 25? I mean really.
What really chaps my hide is, as of Wednesday, Georgetown was ranked 23rd. Ok, except G-town has a TWELVE AND SEVEN record. Seriously 7 losses. How can they still be ranked? This is the top 25 in the country. This is supposed to be the top 25 teams out of the 317 Division I schools. So you're saying that 12-7 is one of the better records?
Wait a second.
The defending national champions, my beloved Kansas Jayhawks, are sitting in the "others" category with a 15-4 record. Four losses, two to top 10 teams and they're not ranked? How the hell can this be? Sure I think the Big 12 is down a bit this year, but how can they not be ranked? Sure, they lost the starting 5 and top reserves from last season, but that's just a lack of respect for KU. Whoever said an east coast media bias didn't exist is wholly wrong.

Guru out.